We don’t know what it was like in your schooldays, but in our day, when anyone got something spectacularly wrong in class or elsewhere, the rest of us used to rib them and poke at them mercilessly for some time afterwards. Those were the days, of course, before schoolkids suffered from mental health issues.
It’s much the same in the unpleasant little world of Northern Ireland politics. If one of the parties gets it wrong, the others will behave like sharks. They’ll scent blood in the water, they’ll circle and they’ll attack….as often as necessary.
The current bleeding target is Sinn Fein. Now we’re not suggesting that the party hasn’t done anything wrong. Its handling of the Michael McMonagle case was pretty horrendous. Big mistakes were made and the organisation, let’s face it, didn’t cover itself in glory.
But does there have to be an orgy of shouting, screaming and finger jabbing every time one of the main parties gets it wrong? One screws up and the others run around them in circles reminding them of how terrible they are. It’s all a bit, well, juvenile.
The DUP has even called for an inquiry which is, perhaps, just a bit rich. Without getting into any unsavoury nitty gritty, they might want to bear in mind the old saying about people in glass houses.
And, apart from anything else, the last thing we need in Northern Ireland is yet another inquiry. We’re inquiry junkies, but the only people to gain from the bloody things are the lawyers. Can anyone remember an inquiry which a) didn’t cost the earth and b) didn’t come up with the conclusions that everyone expected it to come up with in the first place?
But this particular home-made political scandal is a bit different. In the past, something like this would have had the potential to bring the devolved institutions crashing down again. This time around, it won’t.
Why? Because the parties are united on one thing. That the institutions aren’t sacrificed on the altar of yet another so-called scandal. It would take a really big one to collapse things this time around.
Mind you, never say never.
Portugal Or Bust
It hasn’t been a good week for Michelle O’Neill, a bit like last week wasn’t a good one for her old mate Keir Starmer over in London town. Not only did she have to eat humble pie in the Assembly on Monday over the McMonagle affair, but she then had to contend with Portugal-Gate.
Apparently, when the race riots swept across the country back at the end of July and start of August, Michelle happened to be sunning herself by the pool in Portugal.
So she did as any world leader would do and summoned one of her civil servants to brief her on what had been happening. But not by phone, or even by Zoom into her hotel room or rented villa. Nope, she asked the flunkey to hop on a plane to the Algarve (we’re assuming it was the Algarve) and brief her in person.
It conjures up images of our First Minister stretched out on a lounger amongst the Germans, sipping a lunchtime strawberry daiquiri whilst a sweaty suit-wearing civil servant perched beside her on one of those plastic seats rifling through the documents in the briefcase perched on his knee. Or her knee. The gender of the civil servant isn’t detailed.
It was probably nothing like that, of course. The two may have retired to a hotel meeting room, to be joined by the First Minister’s private secretary (also on holiday with her), maybe press officer and a gaggle of Portuguese officials there to look after the Northern Irish ones.
We thought one thing was a bit curious. Apparently it cost £517 to get the civil servant out there and back. About par for the course for summer flights to the sun with easyJet or Jet2. But did the civil servant not have to stay somewhere? Or are we to believe that the poor sod had to get an early flight out from Belfast, hot foot it to Michelle’s poolside, tell her all about the riots and then rush back to Faro Airport for the flight back to Belfast, with just enough time to grab a bottle of Mateus Rosé on the way through duty free.
Ah, the glamour of it all.
Same S***, Different Decade
Back in 2016, Professor Rafael Bengoa came to Northern Ireland, took a long, hard look at our health service, didn’t like what he saw too much and went on to recommend wholesale change to how the whole service operated.
Eight years later, he stepped off the plane from London this week and must have felt a bit like Tom Jones in the words of The Green, Green Grass Of Home. The old home town looked the same. Yep, nothing had changed.
We’re a bit surprised that the Prof accepted Mike Nesbitt’s invitation to pop over the tell us what he thinks. Pretty obviously, he must think that we really should have got our fingers out and implemented his recommendations, instead of leaving his hefty report to gather dust on the shelf between then and now.
But, ahead of speaking at a mini conference in the La Mon House Hotel, Bengoa said that he welcomed the opportunity to return and to see the health transformation remains “an overriding priority”.
No s***, Sherlock. It was an overriding priority in 2016, and it’s even bigger overriding priority now. But this is the land where nothing much seems to happen. And, when we say overriding, we don’t actually mean it.
All of our priorities are equally overriding. That’s how it has to be around here. Still, it was good of you to call, Rafa.
Wagons Roll
It’s taken a while to get the trains rolling in and out of Belfast’s Grand Central Station but this Sunday is the big day, and we’ll be hopping onto a train from Bangor into the new station as soon as we feel the call of the big smoke.
Thanks to the largesse of the Northern Ireland Executive, it’s free for us old codgers. Just like our prescriptions and the water that fills our luxury hot tub.
But let’s not digress. Grand Central is an impressive facility by any standards, right up there with the best of the transport hubs around the UK and, let’s face it, a whole lot better than anything they have down in Dublin. Got to take our wins wherever we can….
To be fair to the much-maligned Translink, they’ve worked bloody hard at this project and Chris Conway and his team will be delighted to see the remaining pieces fall into place at the weekend. After all, they couldn’t crow too much about a bus and train hub without any trains.
As for us Bangor types, it’ll be great to get a direct link to the city centre back again. The old Central Station, now known as Lanyon Place, was never very central, was it?
Also on the transport front, there have been plenty of messages of congratulation to Wrightbus to securing what ranks as the biggest order in the company’s 78-year history. They’ll be supplying 1,200 buses to the multinational Go-Ahead Group.
It’s a great story and one that completes the transformation of the Ballymena firm from its collapse into administration at the tail end of 2019.
Sit Up & Take Notice
Moving on to a serious note, we could all stand accused of not paying enough attention to what seems to be a real problem here in Northern Ireland.
22-year old Mary Ward, found dead in her home off Belfast’s Lisburn Road just a few days ago, became the fourth woman to die here in violent circumstances in just six weeks. Since the end of August, in other words. Six women. Think about it.
It’s a dreadful statistic and one that really has to be taken on board by everyone, not least the PSNI. The force referred itself to the Police Ombudsman because it had dealings with the latest victim in the weeks and months leading up to her violent death.
So what’s the problem. The Belfast Telegraph’s Allison Morris described Northern Ireland at one stage as an armed patriarchy. It might sound far-fetched, but it’s probably not far off the mark.
She goes on to say that we need a strong message from the top down. It won’t be difficult for the two women who make up our political leadership team to say the right things, as they have and will.
But we also need to get tough on the many offenders and repeat offenders out there. If the prisons are full, there must be somewhere even more unpleasant for them. They deserve no less.
Recognising The Best
The older amongst you might remember the very first host of TV’s Masterchef, Loyd Grossman, a strange man with an irritating mid-Atlantic accent. Loyd (with only one ‘l’) used to use the same line in every episode. He’d talk about how the judges had deliberated, cogitated and decided. It’s probably the only known use of the word ‘cogitate’ in human history.
Well, the judges for the 2024 AIB Business Eye Awards did their own spot of cogitating and deliberating earlier this week in our favourite venue for any meeting, Belfast’s Custom House.
Those of you who’ve never acted as an awards judge might have a preconception or two. Judges quaffing lunch and sipping decent wine around a table groaning with freebies donated by hopeful entrants. Well, it’s nothing like that. Mind you, it’s a thought we’ll hold for the future. You never know…..
Instead, the Business Eye team was joined by the venerable Gary McDonald, the doyen of business journalism around these parts, and by AIB double act of Roisin Keenan and Michelle Corbett, two ladies who definitely know their onions when it comes to award entries. And we had to wade through the biggest and best entry we’ve ever had in 18 years of Northern Ireland’s top business awards. And no wine, by the way, just sandwiches, tea, coffee and sparkling water.
Anyway, the cogitating has been done and we’ve got an impressive list of winners and highly commendeds across no less than 20 different categories.
It all comes to life on Thursday, 24th October, at ICC Belfast. For booking details, log onto www.businesseyeawards.co.uk or call on 028 90 474490.