It’s not often that the title of a classic song by The Clash lends itself to Northern Ireland politics, but this one’s a clear metaphor for the trials and tribulations of two of our finest, Robin Swann and Naomi Long.
Both have found themselves being roundly criticised. But for taking opposite approaches to the same problem. It all goes to prove, perhaps, that a Northern Ireland politician will have his or her critics whatever he or she decides to do.
When Robin Swann of Covid fame decided that he fancied a crack at becoming an MP in South Antrim (where his party has a fighting chance….), he thought it best to step down as our Health Minister. And that’s what he did the other night. Quite principled, we thought. Others begged to differ, fuming that the wee man from Kells couldn’t go out on the stump while patients were dying on our waiting lists, etc, etc.
Naomi Long, for her part, has decided that she’d like to have her cake and eat it. So she’ll be staying put in her job as Justice Minister while she simultaneously fights what’s likely to be a tight East Belfast battle against Gavin Robinson, the DUP leader. Her critics say – conversely to the others – that she can’t, or shouldn’t, do both.
Who’s right? Who’s wrong? Who knows? You pay your money and decide who you’d like to be angry with.
Meanwhile, the election posters have already been appearing and – apparently – the candidates and their eager little helpers are out there pounding out streets, knocking doors, annoying everyone and hunting for our votes.
Here in Bangor, we don’t have many streets. But we’ve got lots and lots of avenues, drives, crescents and the like. We live in a lane even though, strictly speaking, we don’t really. We can see people approaching down the hill that is our lane, so we’re looking forward to shaking hands with Stephen Farry, with Alex Easton and renewing our acquaintance with Colonel Tim Collins. But, sadly, no sign of any of them yet. Still, there’s plenty of time.
And, even though this is a ‘snap’ election, there’s a bit too much time for our liking. Long weeks of inane nonsense and the customary tribal drum beating from our local lads and lasses. If we had the wherewithal, we’d head off to the South of France and not come back until mid-July.
Would much change in our absence? Will the General Election make a noticeable difference around this part of the world? No way, José.
Pat Steals The Show
Sinn Fein stole the election headlines on the local front this week with news that the redoubtable Pat Cullen, former leader of the UK’s nurses, is to stand for the party out in Fermanagh/South Tyrone in place of Michelle Gildernew.
A useful and articulate addition to the party’s ranks, for sure, but there is, of course, one teeny weeny problem. If Pat wins, as she surely will, she’ll not be heading back to London to take her seat in the House of Commons. Maybe she might have been more useful to Sinn Fein up at Stormont.
Meanwhile, whilst Pat made a sudden decision to run, Jamie Bryson has decided that discretion is the better part of valour. Despite threatening that he would, he’s not going to stand against Gavin Robinson in East Belfast.
But Jamie’s presence of absence isn’t all that important. In fact, it’s not important at all. What will put the cat amongst the pigeons is that Jim Allister’s TUV looks set to name an East Belfast candidate this week, cheered on enthusiastically by Naomi Long and the massed ranks of the Alliance Party.
If the TUV runs, even they know that the chances are that their decision is likely to hand the seat back to the Alliance Party on a platter. They’ll have deposed the DUP leader, but at what cost to unionism?
Then again, as one commentator pointed out, Jim Allister is a bit like his former hero, Rev. Ian Paisley. He spends more time attacking other unionists than he does nationalists.
Promising The Earth (& The Moon & Stars)
It’s probably an age thing, but each successive general election gets us more and more irritated with the mindless sh*** and meaningless promises that the party leaders and their minions churn out day after endless day.
We’re talking, of couse, about the big UK election, not the sideshow that goes on here in God’s own country. This week, they’re starting to pick up the pace a bit as the clock slowly ticks. Rishi Sunak’s PR team has come in for a bit of flak, and it’s hardly surprising. Having sent their man out in the pissing rain to kick the whole party off, they then flew him over to Belfast to pose on the Titanic Slipway (cue the sinking ship headlines) and even had him trying to play football this week. To say he looked like a duck out of water would be a bit of an understatement.
But the Tories big policy announcement took the ridicule to a whole new level. Yep, National Service for troublesome spotty youths. A splendid wheeze which has long been favoured by the likes of Colonel Bufton Tufton in Tunbridge Wells and assorted Tory types up and down the English countryside. The kind who liked nothing better than to beat their kids before sending them to boarding school at eight years old. Character building stuff.
It’ll probably win Rishi a few votes amongst the die-hard Tory types, but it won’t do a lot of good in other quarters. One can only assume that if he’s elected, which seems a tad unlikely, it won’t be applied over here.
There are plenty around this part of the world who can’t bring themselves to support the Northern Ireland football team let alone serve in The Queen’s Dragoon Guards.
As for Labour, the new government elect, they continue to sit on every available fence, ride every horse and promise the earth, the moon and the stars. They’ll be the party for the workers, the party for the NHS, the party for business, the party for investment, the party for party goers, the party for party poopers, the party to end all parties.
Rachel Reeves, one of the aces in the Labour pack to be fair to her, said this week that her government would be pro-worker and pro-business and there’s a lot more sense in that than it first appeared. Sir Keir Starmer, for his part, is treading carefully and trying to avoid any gaffes, trips or pratfalls.
If only he could do something with that flat delivery and nasal tones. Drives us up the bloody wall.
We’re With You, Or Are We?
There aren’t too many governments around the world where you can belong to a coalition but vote against the government that you’re an integral part of. But guess where it’s just happened. Yep, you’ve got it. Right here.
The Ulster Unionist Party has voted against Stormont’s budget, largely because Robin Swann wanted more money for his health department. Or, to be accurate, his former health department. He’s now off to pace the streets of South Antrim in a bid to become a Westminster MP and his place is being taken by none other than Mike Nesbitt. So the voting against the budget stuff was a bit of a parting shot before he wandered off into the electoral sunset.
If he loses out at the polls, will Robin be back to shift Mike Nesbitt back onto the back benches? Time will tell.
Will more money be forthcoming, perhaps from Westminster? Not just at the moment. Like Robin, they’ve other things on their mind.
Stand Up For The Ulster Men
A bit unusual to be at the Kingspan Stadium when there’s no match taking place out on the pitch, but last Friday marked a great wee event to launch the new Ulster Rugby Business Club, in association with A&L Goodbody….a further strengthening, if strengthening were needed, of the links between business and the noble sport of rugby.
A 150-strong crowd heard from Ulster Rugby’s Interim CEO Hugh McGaughey as well as a panel discussion on the subject of rugby and business led by former Ulster & Ireland star Tommy Bowe, now a media personality in his own right, and including his sister Hannah, an ex-Ireland hockey international turned rugby administrator, Paul Magee of Bank of Ireland and Chamber of Commerce CEO Suzanne Wylie.
The launch event attracted a healthy sprinkling of former Ulster Rugby players who’ve turned their hands to business, not least Andrew Trimble, who sold the Kairos sports tech company he co-founded to Teamworks. Another rugby-playing Andrew who has done well on the acquisition front was also there – Andrew Maxwell of Boojum fame.
Add in recent ex-player Louis Ludik, who runs the Hellbent meat products firm alongside Schalke Van Der Merwe, Co. Down farmer and entrepreneur Simon Best and so the list goes on.
For those interested in reaping the benefits of the Ulster Rugby Business Club, contact Glenda Willett at Ulster Rugby – glenda.willett@ulsterrugby.com
Love Isn’t In The Air
While trival matters like elections have started to rage all over the country, the Belfast Telegraph has been keeping us informed about more important matters like Eamonn Holmes’ split from his wife Ruth Langsford. TV’s golden couple, they call them. Nice.
We’ve had a blow by blow account of what both of them haven’t said about the whole thing. Except that Eamonn took to the airwaves at GB News to thank us all for the support that we’ve been giving him. You’re very welcome, big lad.
What is there about celebrity marriages with an Ulster flavour? First, Rory McIlroy announces that his marriage is splitting up and then comes the news about our favourite news presenter. It’s just been too much for those of us with fragile emotions.
For Rory’s ex-wife Erica, maybe the lack of success in the major golf tournaments became too much to bear. Perhaps the poor girl just needed more trophies around the couple’s wee bungalow in Florida.
As for Ruth Langsford, it clearly can’t have been anything to do with Eamonn’s sporting or athletic prowess. But GB News? Who could be expected to stick that?